How to Forgive
Bob Yandian
“He who is spiritual judges all things.” 1 Corinthians 2:15
This verse does not say we judge the person—it says we judge the things they have done. We love them in the meantime. You love your children when they have done something wrong, but you still want them to stop doing the wrong thing. You judge the act without condemning the person so they can make better decisions the next time.
That same principle applies to forgiveness. According to 2 Corinthians 5: 17-20, we all need to be twice forgiven. We are forgiven once by the Father Himself, but then there comes a time when we must receive that forgiveness for ourselves.
“If any man be in Christ, he is a new creation; old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. All things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given to us the ministry of reconciliation.”
One minister once said, “We’ve all been reconciled to God.” Yes, that’s true from God’s side—He sees us as reconciled. But there’s another part to that: we must receive that reconciliation. God’s already done His part; now we must do ours.
God’s Side and Our Side
“That God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them, and has committed unto us the word of reconciliation.” 2 Corinthians 5:19
When Jesus died and rose again, God reconciled the entire world to Himself. The war between heaven and earth ended at the cross. But reconciliation is not automatically applied to every person’s heart. It’s like an announcement waiting for a response. You have to come and claim it.
Let me give you an example. Here in Oklahoma, we have a state lottery. One day my wife and I saw a billboard announcing a jackpot of $180 million. We both thought, “What would we do with that kind of money?” We dreamed of giving to the church, helping others, and blessing ministries. But we also knew the odds of winning were about one in a few million!
Now imagine you bought a lottery ticket as a joke. Later that week, you’re sitting at home watching the drawing. The first number matches, then the second, then the third, and by the time the fifth ball drops, you’re screaming—you’ve won $180 million!
That money is not automatically transferred into your bank account, you have to go claim it.
That’s the gospel! Jesus declared at the cross that the whole world has won. The price was paid. But salvation and forgiveness are not automatically deposited into your heart—you must go and claim it. God has reconciled the world to Himself; now you must be reconciled to God.
Two Sides of Forgiveness
There are two types of forgiveness in the Bible. The first is God’s forgiveness toward us—His part. The second is our reception of that forgiveness—our part. God has already forgiven all sin in Christ. But for that forgiveness to benefit you, you must receive it personally. It’s the same for the sinner and for the saint.
An unbeliever must accept Jesus Christ as Savior to be reconciled to God. When a believer sins it doesn’t break their relationship with God but their fellowship. We must come and confess that sin, not to be saved again, but to restore our walk with Him.
Confession Restores Fellowship
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9
This verse isn’t written to unbelievers—it’s written to Christians. When we confess, we receive what God has already done. Then chapter 2, verse 1 continues, “These things I write unto you, that you sin not. But if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.”
When you sin as a believer, Jesus switches roles from Savior to Advocate. You don’t lose your salvation, but you do lose your fellowship until you come back and receive His forgiveness.
God’s Part Is Finished
At the cross, God judged the sins of all mankind—past, present, and future. The war is over from His side. But on our side, the battle ends only when we personally repent and receive His forgiveness.
If we don’t repent, then condemnation and separation are our choice. God has already done everything necessary for reconciliation; the next move is ours.
Two Directions of Forgiveness
The first is toward God, about the person who wronged us. The second is toward the person, once they repent.
I’ll give you an example: A young man once said some terrible things about me—spread gossip around the congregation. I went to him, but he was unrepentant. He said, “I have the right to tell people what I think.” So I went to God. I said, “Father, I forgive him. I release him from my heart.” That act freed me from bitterness and anger.
Later, that same man came and repented. Then, and only then, could I forgive him to his face. I said, “It’s over. Forgiven and forgotten.”
I could forgive him toward God immediately, but I couldn’t forgive him to his face until he repented. That’s how God operates too. God forgave all humanity at the cross, but He doesn’t make someone a Christian until they come to Him and receive forgiveness.
Forgiving Our Enemies
“Love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.” Matthew 5:44
This is how we forgive our enemies. We go to God first. When I pray for those who hurt me, I’m freed from anger and resentment. Then, when I see them again, I can treat them with kindness—not because of what they did, but because I took their offense to God. They may not understand. They may think I’m trying to act superior. But in my heart, I’m free. I’ve released it before God.
John 1:17 says, “Grace and truth came by Jesus Christ.” We must keep both together. Grace without truth is dangerous. Grace says, “I love you.” Truth says, “You did wrong.” Jesus never ignored truth. When Peter spoke out of turn, Jesus corrected him. When others erred, He rebuked them—but always in love.
Nathan the prophet came to David and said, “You are the man who sinned with Bathsheba and murdered her husband.” God didn’t overlook the truth—He confronted it. And when David repented, Nathan immediately said, “Your sins are forgiven.” Grace followed truth. Without truth, grace becomes lawless sentiment. But without grace, truth becomes harsh judgment. Jesus brought both—grace and truth.
Forgiveness and Repentance
Forgiveness must always be connected to repentance. Forgiveness is offered to everyone, but it is only given when repentance is present. Should we openly forgive everyone who wrongs us, even if they refuse to repent? Scripture says no. God doesn’t individually forgive all sinners; He offers forgiveness, but they must receive it.
Luke 17:3–4 says, “If your brother trespass against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he trespasses against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to you, saying, ‘I repent,’ you shall forgive him.”
Forgiveness comes after repentance. To forgive someone who refuses to repent gives the appearance of condoning their sin.
What If They Don’t Repent?
If a person refuses to repent, what should our attitude be? Matthew 18:35 gives the answer, “You must from your heart forgive every man his brother his trespass.”
That means you forgive toward God in your heart. You release the bitterness, but you don’t extend open forgiveness until they admit their wrong. That’s the balance—truth and grace. We must not hold hatred or malice. But neither should we treat the offender as though nothing happened. That would excuse the sin and remove accountability.
Think about the prodigal son. The father didn’t go chasing him into the far country. He waited at home. The son knew exactly where his father was. The father’s heart was already forgiving, but the open reconciliation didn’t happen until the son returned and said, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.” The moment he repented, the father ran to meet him, restored him, and threw a celebration.
This is how God deals with us. His forgiveness is waiting, but fellowship is restored only when we repent.
Walking in the Light
“If we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship one with another.” 1 John 1:7
Jesus always stays in the light. When we sin, we step into darkness. Restoration happens when we come back into the light—when we confess our sin. This is the same with believers toward believers. When a brother or sister repents, we forgive and begin the process of restoration. It doesn’t mean we instantly restore them to full responsibility, but we begin to walk them through healing and recovery.
When someone repents, forgiveness is immediate, but restoration takes time. In the body of Christ, repentance opens the door, but discipline, instruction, and maturity rebuild the foundation. Our goal is always restoration, never revenge. Correction must come in love, just as God corrects His children for their good.
The Balance of Love and Truth
We are to love our enemies, bless those who curse us, and pray for those who persecute us. But love doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened. Love speaks truth and then extends grace when repentance occurs. We can forgive in our hearts toward God, which frees us from bitterness, and then later forgive to their face when repentance is real. This is the divine pattern.
“We are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ’s behalf, be reconciled to God.” 2 Corinthians 5:20
God has already done His part—He has reconciled the world to Himself. Now He asks us to come and be reconciled to Him. This is our message to the lost and to believers alike. The cross ended the war, but peace must still be received. Forgiveness is offered to all, but it must be claimed by faith. When Jesus rose from the dead, He announced to all humanity: You have won! Salvation, forgiveness, eternal life, it is all yours. But it must be claimed.
God has done His part. Now it’s your turn. Be reconciled to God.
